Well it’s been a year since my diagnosis. I’ve progressed which isn’t a good thing but not unexpected. The depression is under control, the drinking not so much. The foot is still a problem so when I go to the Doctors on Tuesday I’ll ask about it. Physical issues remain minor, the non-motor not so. Merry Christmas all.
Well I’m back in Bali again. It’s nice to be back some things have changed others haven’t. Biggest change is I get called “Dad” most predictable is that they’re selling “Viagra” and such, I know the story they’re as real as the perfume.
I’ve bought myself a walking stick (forgot mine) and a good thing too, I was walking along and something in the left foot (which had been tight) went pop and I couldn’t walk without a lot of pain. Still don’t know what’s happened as no broken bones or bruising and everything moves. I guess the referral to the Podiatrist is going to come in handy, the foot is back to where it was just tight and sore on the middle outside.
We went and visited the orphanage (Jodie O’Shea, A Bali bombing victim) the kids where gorgeous, polite and well behaved. My walking stick is in the shape of a cobra absolutely fascinated them, was left without it quite a bit ;) They also found my torch and then proceeded to find a dark spot to play with it, smart kids. I think we’ll be going back,”our” well my friends kids had a great time.
Been getting a few work calls, well that’s why I’m away I can’t go.
I just realised I felt happy it’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt it. I’ve taken joy in things but haven’t felt happy just a moment of pleasure. I hope it takes and it’s not something I’m going to overthink.
I have had a new game for a while, spot without being spotted. I’m one for one so far (spot/spotted), obviously the question of if I spot some one to say something is/will be a delicate decision with a lot different parameters age probably being amongst the most important of them.
My parents are away travelling but they’re making sure I’m looked after. We had dinner last night with old family friends a lovely night out. Emotionally it annoys me, rationally I appreciate it … and they now read this blog. I’ve given the details of the blog out to a few people I know so they can get an understanding of my condition, it was never my intention to have my real life and online mix but it was necessary. I still rather it wasn’t but if wishes were horses beggars would ride.
I saw the neurologist today and the good news is that he’s happy with lack of progression, not often that is good news from your Doctor. So the next appointment is in a year unless there’s a reason to bring it forward. The medication is unchanged.
I’m feeling better, not physically I’m still tired but mentally I’m better not dancing or seeing rainbows but I’m not as depressed. I think like many complicated things there are a number of factors. Having a professional to talk with, the drugs, being able to work, seeing a future and I think beginning to accept things. I’m a realist and I thought that was enough, I deal with things as they are not as I want them to be, not as they should be, not as they could be, not as I deserve, not as I’ve earned but as they are. Still as rational as I am emotionally you can’t control your reaction and I think I didn’t accept it truly until recently. Adjustment takes time, I needed time even if I didn’t know that.