I saw the neurologist today and the good news is that he’s happy with lack of progression, not often that is good news from your Doctor. So the next appointment is in a year unless there’s a reason to bring it forward. The medication is unchanged.
I’m feeling better, not physically I’m still tired but mentally I’m better not dancing or seeing rainbows but I’m not as depressed. I think like many complicated things there are a number of factors. Having a professional to talk with, the drugs, being able to work, seeing a future and I think beginning to accept things. I’m a realist and I thought that was enough, I deal with things as they are not as I want them to be, not as they should be, not as they could be, not as I deserve, not as I’ve earned but as they are. Still as rational as I am emotionally you can’t control your reaction and I think I didn’t accept it truly until recently. Adjustment takes time, I needed time even if I didn’t know that.
I just had a lovely long chat to J. She’s making some changes to her life, moving to Queensland in particular, so where ever she ends up I’ll let her know of the Burgers in the area, she’s good people and so are the Burgers it’s a good fit. I’m going to miss having her around even if I don’t get to see her that often.
If I wasn’t so damaged I’d love to be a bigger part of her life but it wouldn’t work, I’d rather have the guarantee of the friendship it’s worth more to me. We’ve been friends for an awfully long time, and I appreciate all she’s done for me down the years, friends like that don’t come along often and are treasured.
I don’t know how it happened but at some point I inherited my little sisters friends, they are family my family. Misogynistic yes but it’s my right because one they will accept me standing up for them and two they will let me. They are my little sisters I will protect them always, I love you dears.
After my diagnose and admitting it to friends and family only the males closest to me, have discussed it I brought it up offhand with the nephew on the trip home and it was ignored. Ladies best remember we men are stupid about emotions and are loath to discuss them. I’m sorry that’s how we’re wired, unfortunately for all.
My nieces were at ponyclub with the BIL and my sister had to take the new pup to puppy school, so my youngest nephew needed adult (allegedly) supervision. We had a great time, redoing the jigsaw four or five times making picture puzzles and memory games. My Sunday is normally my time at home, I was glad to give some of it up to be with him. It also helps in that it is a show of faith in mental state.
Well I had my first visit with the Psychiatrist today just went over the basics more to cover next visit. Though nothing has really been done I do feel better for the talk, and she has reassured me that future is some time away and I should concentrate on the now and not where I’ll end up. I’m still frustrated at my losses and the fact that the road ahead is only downhill. As she noted I’m still smarter than the average bear, but it hurts to look back at what I was.