19
May
15

DNR

Went out for dinner with the parents, big sister and family friends a good night out. One of the most likely outcomes of my conditions is dementia this came up as a family friend has recently been put in care. Should that be a case of a hunting trip is needed, as most people who know me will say I’m a gentle soul. I try to help and do the right thing but I was an angry and violent child until I controlled it what concerns me is what happens if there is no control over impulse.

When I was in Fiji I invited Gently to grab my wrist it was a high grab and the bugger is strong, didn’t break it. He tried it on site a low grab, as we play like this a lot, instant grip break weight dropped and back wrist twisted out. But what left me cold was the instant realisation that if that hand had had a knife it would have opened up the inside of his wrist … I haven’t trained for that. Then add in my strength I don’t wont to be a danger but I fear without higher mental function, I won’t be there to stop causing damage. I have an appointment with a psychologist and this is something on the list of things to discuss. It’s a long way off but it ways heavily on me, that what may be left is a danger I don’t want around people.

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