I love you dearly but you are hard to deal with. I can’t do this yet
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I’ve had bad apathy for a little while now, it’s getting better. I’m watching Bones final and it resonates, I’m still progressing and know it. It’s slow but inevitable. Starting at high level means you have “headroom” but it also means you’re more aware of the loss.
I get a call from the parents pretty much every day. There are several reasons, one of which is not to make sure I’ve not done something stupid. It’s to let me know they are there for me and thinking of me, make sure I’m mobile and don’t need anything and to just have contact with people as I live by myself.
I’ve been upping my dose of Madopar to deal with my calves tightening up at night and damaging my foot, so I tried the other way still with the agonist but none at all. No real change so I’m going with a reduced dose which seems better. When I first started on Madopar it helped with the tremor but that stopped after six months or so. Now being on Febfast and having stopped drinking on and off before hand, there is only a slight tremor on occasion.
I know I’ve been a bit depressed for a few months, I’m starting to know the signs. Lack of engagement in social media, lack of interest in doing things and a tendency to re-read books I’ve already read instead of something new. I’m definitely feeling better now.
Well it’s been a year since my diagnosis. I’ve progressed which isn’t a good thing but not unexpected. The depression is under control, the drinking not so much. The foot is still a problem so when I go to the Doctors on Tuesday I’ll ask about it. Physical issues remain minor, the non-motor not so. Merry Christmas all.
Well I’m back in Bali again. It’s nice to be back some things have changed others haven’t. Biggest change is I get called “Dad” most predictable is that they’re selling “Viagra” and such, I know the story they’re as real as the perfume.
I’ve bought myself a walking stick (forgot mine) and a good thing too, I was walking along and something in the left foot (which had been tight) went pop and I couldn’t walk without a lot of pain. Still don’t know what’s happened as no broken bones or bruising and everything moves. I guess the referral to the Podiatrist is going to come in handy, the foot is back to where it was just tight and sore on the middle outside.
We went and visited the orphanage (Jodie O’Shea, A Bali bombing victim) the kids where gorgeous, polite and well behaved. My walking stick is in the shape of a cobra absolutely fascinated them, was left without it quite a bit 😉 They also found my torch and then proceeded to find a dark spot to play with it, smart kids. I think we’ll be going back,”our” well my friends kids had a great time.
Been getting a few work calls, well that’s why I’m away I can’t go.
I just realised I felt happy it’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt it. I’ve taken joy in things but haven’t felt happy just a moment of pleasure. I hope it takes and it’s not something I’m going to overthink.
I have had a new game for a while, spot without being spotted. I’m one for one so far (spot/spotted), obviously the question of if I spot some one to say something is/will be a delicate decision with a lot different parameters age probably being amongst the most important of them.