Archive Page 3


Male Response

After my diagnose and admitting it to friends and family only the males closest to me, have discussed it  I brought it up offhand with the nephew on the trip home and it was ignored. Ladies best remember we men are stupid about emotions and are loath to discuss them. I’m sorry that’s how we’re wired, unfortunately for all.



My nieces were at ponyclub with the BIL and my sister had to take the new pup to puppy school, so my youngest nephew needed adult (allegedly) supervision. We had a great time, redoing the jigsaw four or five times making picture puzzles and memory games. My Sunday is normally my time at home, I was glad to give some of it up to be with him. It also helps in that it is a show of faith in mental state.



Well I had my first visit with the Psychiatrist today just went over the basics more to cover next visit. Though nothing has really been done I do feel better for the talk, and she has reassured me that future is some time away and I should concentrate on the now and not where I’ll end up. I’m still frustrated at my losses and the fact that the road ahead is only downhill. As she noted I’m still smarter than the average bear, but it hurts to look back at what I  was.



Went out for dinner with the parents, big sister and family friends a good night out. One of the most likely outcomes of my conditions is dementia this came up as a family friend has recently been put in care. Should that be a case of a hunting trip is needed, as most people who know me will say I’m a gentle soul. I try to help and do the right thing but I was an angry and violent child until I controlled it what concerns me is what happens if there is no control over impulse.

When I was in Fiji I invited Gently to grab my wrist it was a high grab and the bugger is strong, didn’t break it. He tried it on site a low grab, as we play like this a lot, instant grip break weight dropped and back wrist twisted out. But what left me cold was the instant realisation that if that hand had had a knife it would have opened up the inside of his wrist … I haven’t trained for that. Then add in my strength I don’t wont to be a danger but I fear without higher mental function, I won’t be there to stop causing damage. I have an appointment with a psychologist and this is something on the list of things to discuss. It’s a long way off but it ways heavily on me, that what may be left is a danger I don’t want around people.


Another Family Dinner and no Drinking

Well we had another family dinner, I’ve convinced Mother Dearest to try brining pork works a treat. Finished off the crackling for her, yum. The Doctor’s visit was on Monday and went as expected, Diabetes going well, blood pressure good, cholesterol good, liver starting to show signs of damage so no alcohol until the liver repairs its self.

Thankfully I only like to drink but I don’t have to, which a lot of the medical profession have trouble believing that. Sure I’d like a beer after work or with a pub meal but I don’t have to.

Sleep is intermittent still, even with diazepam and restavit, so trying good old fashioned warm milk before bed. Still no sleeping meds from the doctor but the low sleep amount is starting to tell.


Family Dinner

I think because of my condition and that they are going away for a long trip the parents have started weekly family dinners which is good, though I spent a few hours napping again. It is something I enjoy being with family even when dozing and listening in and loving the interactions I hear. They’re family and blood I love them dearly.



My memory ain’t what it was. It was really good now it’s failing in small ways that I only notice after the omission. It scares the hell out of me, without memory the me I am is lost.